So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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