In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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