I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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