I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's never too late to be topless.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
