I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
