so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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