you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
