i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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