We named our party play list daddy issues
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Your penis caused this!
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