Four minutes until I can fart!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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