Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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