Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
