I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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