you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
