Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
