That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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