I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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