I cannot find my penis.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
