i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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