facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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