You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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