It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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