final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
God, I missed his penis.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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