Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
