I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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