She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
