PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
