I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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