Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
