Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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