Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
