I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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