Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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