I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
