Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
