He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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