This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
