I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are we still banned from the library?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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