I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
