I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
