was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
