god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
