Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
