I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
