TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
