im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
