Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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