I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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