Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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