He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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