i came on her dog
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
